This is one of the hardest episodes I have recorded. It was deeply personal for me and I was hesitant to even do it. Why you may ask? I was scared that the listeners I had gained would leave. It feels good to see how many people care to listen to a little podcast from a woman in South Carolina. I love seeing the download numbers increase. I knew that there was a chance of those numbers declining by allowing my listeners to see the darker side of myself. However, with everything I have faced in the previous few weeks, I owe it to myself, my spirit, to be true to me and all those in my life.
In this episode, I played the following music that showed my progression over the past few weeks.
Black Satellite – TenPenny Joke
It has certainly been interesting allowing myself to come out into the open. Many close to me already knew this, but for my listeners, I worried about being stereotyped. Yes, even pagans can stereotype others, but maybe a little less harshly. When a person mentions being interested in the darker aspect of things, based on my previous experiences with this, they tend to immediately jump to the conclusion that you are steering toward black magic and are off to summon demons.
I am going to start following my heart with this podcast. I, MeadowMoon, am of the night kind. I don’t mind working in the shadows where others choose never to go. I will let the moon, the stars, the dark Gods/Goddesses guide me on my journey. While others only focus on the love and light aspects of things and work their magick in the daylight, I will enjoy the peacefulness of the darkness and will feel the benefits of working in the night when others sleep and the world is a bit more peaceful. I will not only focus on this darker aspect, but the lighter side as well for I believe in maintaining some sort of balance when possible.
I don’t know where this decision will take me, but I am ready. I have been ready for some time. I just needed to give myself permission to follow my natural path. If my regular listeners decide that my podcast is no longer what is best for them, then I am thankful I held their interest for the time I did.
I finally feel alive in such a way that I never have before in my 33 years on this Earth. I feel free. On this episode, I only shared with you a portion of what I have gone through. I share another part of my story in my PaganPages.org article for the March issue. I will post the link on March 1st on the Facebook fan page for those interested in knowing more about the spiritual turmoil I have gone through to finally find the real me.
Thank you all for sharing this journey with me. I could not have done it alone.
Blessings,
MeadowMoon